Ilene Gauld – Poet & Piper

I’m relatively new to following Jill, but I’m fair enjoying it. I’d hate wir heritage to disappear as I love the Doric and I dabble in writing Doric poems. I wrote a wee booklet a lang time ago caad “Smile a Fyle” which I sold and split the proceeds atween the school I worked in at the time as a PSA and a childhood cancer.

I was born and brocht up in Keith but bide in Alford noo. I’m an aul mairrit wifie wi twa grown up bairns an three Granbairns, so I get plinty o bosies.

Anither even o my hobbies is playin the bagpipes. I’m a member o Inverurie Pipe Band and I fair enjoyed meeting up wi them twice a week afore this virus kicked off. Athing has been cancelled since lockdoon an I dinna ken fan we’ll get back. They’re jist like an extended faimily an I canna wait to see them A again. Onywye, that’s enough o me ramblin on! Keep up the Great work Jill.

Ilene Gauld

Camouflage Breeks

I bocht a pair o camouflage breeks,
But I’m gan te tak them back.
Well! Abody kin see them!
Noo fit’s the pint in that?!!!!!!

Awa wi’ The Fairies.

My Uncle Bob’s Dad wis a wunnerfae chiel
I canna mine ees name, I didna ken him that weel!
I wis jist wee, fin we visited ees flat.
He bade in Edinburgh, I fairly mine that.

Ees hair wis pure fite, an’ it looked jist lik silk.
He telt A’ us bairns that Ee washed it in milk!
We held on tae ilky wird that Ee spoke!
A magical man lik this, widna joke.

Ae day, there wis fower o’ us kids in Ees flat.
A’ the big fowk could hardly hear themselves chat.
Bob’s Dad gaithered us A’ roon aboot ees knee.
He didna raise ees voice, he wis special ye see.

He telt us a very special secret that day.
We a’ listened closely tae fit he’d tae say.
He said that he’d fairies at the fit o’ ees yard.
Bit we’d hiv tae be quait, and we’d hiv tae look hard.

We’d get a much better view, fae the stairs in the lobby.
He’d stand there for ‘oors, it wis kinda his hobby.
He showed us far tae be, tae see pretty well.
He told us his fairy wis caad Tinkerbell!

Well, maist o’ the day in that lobby we bade.
An’ we A’ saw Tinkerbell, well, thats fit we said!
An’ the grown-ups got bletherin’ wi’ cuppies o’ tay.
Aye, Bob’s Dad wis clivver, widn’t ye say?!

Ma Beets.

I hiv an affa problem
Fin am pitten on ma beets.
A really seem quite han-less
Fin am doon amongst ma queets!
Kin onybody help ma?
I canna get oot o the bit!
A only hiv ae question.
Tell ma, fit fit fits fit fit!!!!!!!

Rose’s Nicht oot.

Rose’s been invited tae a Burn’s Supper meal.
Her Hubby, Sean has been invited asweel!
Fit will I pit on for the Bard’s special bash?
Ma black dress’ll be fine wi a new tartan sash.

So she went tae Sirs Dress Hire straight efter the skweel.
The salesman wis brilliant an kent ees tartans weel.
He suggested Sean’s kilt an her sash be the same.
Hid she thocht o’ a tartan? Noo fit wis their name?

Macintyre’s a brilliant tartan for me!
An Sean will be happy wi that een tee.
So, off gings the chappie tae check ees stock.
Nae Macintyre at a! Min fit a shock!

There’s only een left. A richt bonnie blue.
We’ve a kilt for him, an a sash for you.
Dunlop’s fit it’s caad, an I ken for a fact
Yer entitled tae wear it, cos ma brains I hiv racked.

Bit I’m nae related tae Dunlop at a!
Nae Aunties or Uncles, ma Ma or ma Da!
I’ve googled it Rose. It’s aricht, hae nae fears
Abody kens Dunlop hiv been “makin tyres” for years!!

The Magic Tractor

I hiv a magic tractor,
She’s a bonnie shade o green.
She pulls ma ploo or harra.
She’s the best I’ve ivvir seen!

Fit maks her a “Magic Tractor?”
Well, yesterday, jist afore dark…..
Ma wunnerfa magic tractor…….
Turned inte a park!!!!!!!!!!

Fit’s A “zyne?

Fin yer daen Jolly Phonics
Ask ony Primary one
If an “s” is definitely “si”
As in sin or sit or sun!
Which brings ma on, conveniently
Tae the sang ca’ad “Auld Lang Syne”
Can ye see a “z” in the hinmaist wird?
It jist isna “Auld Lang Zyne!”
Ma heid gings feel fin I hear a “zyne”
Ma hubby shouts at the telly.
Should we hiv tae pit up wi a’ these “zynes?”
Not on your flippin nelly!!
So, fit exactly is a “zyne?”
An’ fa put it intil wir sang?
We hiv tae eradicate these “zynes”
We canna sing it wrang!
So come on fellow sufferers
Dinna zit in zilence!
We canna zing these zilly “zynes”
Nor will we resort tae violence!
We’ll educate them that dinna ken.
We’ll hiv tae gie them a sign!
We’ll post a blog upon the web
For the sake of Auld Lang Syne!!

Fae – A Doric Future Blogger ! Ilene Gauld (nee Winchester)
01/01/09.

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